he thought i was a dude.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
