There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
