you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
