Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
