At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
