This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
