Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
