Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
