Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
