i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
