If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
