The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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