At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
