just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
