Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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