Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
