And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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