mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
