If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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