Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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