i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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