We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm just crazy horny about you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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