Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
