when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
