a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
