I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
