matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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