Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
