what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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