I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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