This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
