Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
