mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
