Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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