i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
