I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
