everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
