I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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