Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
