I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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