A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
