My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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