you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
