Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
