He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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