I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My ATM looks so different sober.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
