i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
