Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She is in my trunk
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
