he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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