The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
two words...techno handjob
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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