I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
