They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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