dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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