if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
