I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need water and some morals
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
