I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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