I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
