i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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