Got a toothbrush?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
