I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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