The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
