Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
