Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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