what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I forgot wine drunk hurts
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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