I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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