I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
