Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize